Maybe before moving in with her (for free) she should have visited? How Did You Decide Whether to Have Another Baby? Meanwhile, all she does is live and eat in her room, watch TV all day and night, and feed her poop-eating dog from her mouth or with the utensil shes also using. New activities offer a change of environment, which in itself can make you feel closer to your partner. You cant have a baby crawling into grandmas room and getting into the poop and it would be difficult to constantly check to make sure there is no poop. Sell my house Quickly; SELL YOUR HOME FAST; i hate my husband because of his mother. June 18, 2015, 10:49 am, honeybeenicki Also. With your spouse, you need to be more intentional. This is why I love this site any arguements due to misreadings are address and moved on from quickly. Id say, yeah, she needs to run like hell and find her own place before she burns the place down cause shes walked off and left the stove on with food cooking on it. It could be sitting down with her and going over finances and researching programs she could apply for to help pay for this kind of care (and even contributing to that care if one is in a financial position to do so). June 18, 2015, 10:27 am. And she is still getting a free place to live and wants to continue getting a free place to live and not move out right now, until she gets a job. She needs professional care. I walked around the corner into the kitchen and the knife was right there, almost touching me. Those arent excuses. We think they have failed and hate them when they dont meet our unrealistic expectations. He's had the stroke and it's you who is feeling and expressing what you call "bad feelings". They can come several times a week and help the MIL take a bath, wash her hair and change clothes. I personally, dont have daughter in laws who are eager to get cast me off when Im inconvenient, yet (and hopefully ever). If your husband doesnt care about your opinion or values but only what matters to him, it will cause a rift between you. When spouses dont respect each other, they stop being responsible. Jeez, I think these responses are kind of harsh. Everytime I hear her on the phone to dh she's. Your spouse had children before he or she met you. Steven Tyler is accused of sexually assaulting a 16-year-old girl in the '70s: 'Victim's' lawsuit claims she is the 'teen bride' in singer's memoir after he convinced her mom to grant him guardianship Still, it's important not to bad mouth or criticize your in-laws to your spouse. An experienced therapist will offer you strategic ways to communicate with your spouse. June 18, 2015, 9:37 am. Dont be so damn condescending just because you dont believe in how she parented 30 years ago or whenever. We have been together for about 13 years, married for 3. I am always kind and civil and I do ask my husband how she is from time to time but I do not contact her in any way. honeybeenicki Yeah, this is pretty horrible. When you hate your husband so much, the reason could be because. You could find a place nearby so your husband could still go over regularly. Mike tries to be easygoing but she's a champion button pusher. Effective and intentional communication cant be overemphasized. Is there a senior center in your community? They talk about things, go out often, advise and help each other. Check the following ways to stop hating your husband: The first step to stopping hating your husband is to know why. LOL about the almost impaled my pregnant belly on a knife comment. Hey, drama queen, I think you dropped your tiara. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. The situation of her living alone, in her house, should be remedied. He doesn't work on the relationship. . honeybeenicki Hate my husband. But who among us isn't? This helpfulness demonstrates that he is being a "good spouse.". His dad moved states, and they now have a strained relationship. . RedRoverRedRover Why do I feel like I hate my husband? Maybe because he stopped making an effort to look great. Get her somewhere with regular care or take care of her, just quit using her for her money. And we even asked a contractor about the possibility of putting in an internal door in the future just in case. Well how nice of you to presume to know that about me. Taken time to learn what the MILs issues really were and what kind of care she needed. But she did and now I cant help feeling for her, a little bit. These people, who dont seem to give a shit about aging, ailing parents, are the worst! Know that youre not alone in this struggle, there are support groups for family members of stroke victims (try an internet search) It might be worth checking them out to get ideas from others in your situation about what they have done for care of their relatives when problem solving deficits are leading to unsafe living conditions. Here we were deep cleaning her house, since she let it get really nasty, just so we can live there with my 8-year-old daughter (from a previous relationship), and shes picking arguments with us almost daily for six months. Aubrey Ray Since this person's entire focus is on himself, he is likely to have poor communication skills. Maybe a cut would have occured, but not anything as dramatic as the LW presents. I dont know the details of this promise your husband made, but to me, caring for someone can be accomplished in numerous ways. Our first responsibility is ALWAYS to our minor children. Wow, well I do think this response is pretty harsh. Bittergaymark If not and he wants her in the same home, how can you make it a better environment? Same advice as to what she should do, but different tone. So maybe instead of being a jerk shes ill-prepared and panicked. LW, presumably your husband was fulfilling his promise sufficiently to take care of his mother before you all moved in with her so what steps can you take to get back to that status quo? And personally, I think a little sympathy would be more helpful in getting her to think rationally and kindly about the situation than telling her shes being entitled and being a bad person. Before, you considered each others blemishes, and you werent judgmental. My story : . She didnt know what she was signing up for. In my minds eye, she was, like jumping on the kitchen center island to demonstrate how to swim the butterfly or something. I am not saying she should take care of the baby alone, but there are ways to say things. Well, it turns out that his mom felt attacked. Of course people are going to judge. And I feel bad that this column is being published right when shes having a baby, but this is when she wrote to me. That is pretty much human decency to help your parents out as they age and cant handle everything themselves. But now I get it- Husband promised his mother to take care of her, like, physically, not just help out and such. April 1, 2017, 12:51 pm. Wow- LW sounds horrible and whiney, poor husband,he married his mother. Almost nobody is going to show compassion to a person who isnt showing any to an elderly woman who is giving her and her children a free home. Are you stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed, or confused? We expect it to be a. between two individuals in love who are ready to build a home. But in a marriage, couples may often feel like they hate each other. My Sisters and I Are Fighting Over My (Living) Mothers Money. So let me see if I understand this. Accept that he can never be the charming prince you see on the television. You might dislike cohabiting with your husband because you dont see him as your friend. Living with someone who requires a great deal of care who is incapable of caring for themselves, is very hard. Its another thing to tell her shes a jerk and entitled. We expect it to be a perfect partnership between two individuals in love who are ready to build a home. My parents didnt and dont see what they were doing. Theres a nicer way to present it. I just dont really feel that bad for her. Somewhere along the way, this influenced you to have a dysfunctional view on relationships. We will present possible reasons why some wives hate their husbands and solutions for the same. I loved this response! i hate my husband because of his mother santa margherita chianti classico 2014 intertops sports betting i hate my husband because of his mother May 10, 2022 And I still think the LW is being a jerk. And even my husband loves having her nearby. something random However, only attentive partners will care to ask what their partners think. Understand that many of your expectations before marriage will crumble because living together often shows us their new traits. I screamed to avoid throwing something like my phone at his face, or my fist at the wall. M. MiraclesHappenBelieve. Is this a normal feeling? I was thinking the same about the honey thing. Yes, it is if he refuses to reciprocate the love and gesture. And maybe it wouldnt be too hard. Sometimes it is best to evaluate yourself before blaming your husband for how you feel about him. At the very least, youd think if she cared nothing for the MIL, shed have at least cared enough about her 8-year-old daughter (if not herself) to check out the situation before moving in. You can even lead by replicating some of those times. Stay calm and think it through to evaluate your marriage and. June 18, 2015, 5:10 pm. We were always responsible for working around her illness and walking on eggshells. Nicole However, a husband attached to his mother at the hip might be more of a problem. February 24, 2017, 11:06 am. Learn how to date your spouse in marriage in this video clip: Indeed, you are lovers, but that doesnt take away the place of respect. Why do I feel like I hate my husband? The harsh truth is that you have a vague and unrealistic idea of marriage. She could have written in about the husband and issues with navigating her MILs care and left everything else out. ele4phant They tend to be confrontational and hard headed. I have made my concerns clear to my husband that I do not want her living with us when we move out. But how many people here have actually taken care of an ungrateful, belligerent, careless, angry (through no fault of their own) in-law for years on end? Giving care is one thing. Skyblossom And it is stressful and daunting. 5. You may have your husband because there are underlying differences you refused to settle. Sunshine Brite I hope what goes around comes around. He's not perfect but no one is. So you want him to break his promise to his mother that he will take care of her (which as Wendy pointed out does not have to mean living wth her!). Telling someone shes a bad person isnt likely to make her take the advice, but reframing the message i in a kinder (but equally blunt) way would make her more likely to take heed. Oh, come on. I wouldnt either (especially with her issues with falls and a newborn). No biggie. If couple activities were a part of your marriage and you stopped doing them because of busy work schedules, it may be the reason you have started to dislike your husband. I think leaving when she no longer needs the financial help from the MIL and washing her hands of it just makes her seem crappy. Now maybe its just me, but I would think any woman would be absolutely thrilled to see her husband follow through with a promise, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. The best way to show you love your partner is through respect. And honestly maybe not have a baby when you cant afford a place to live? My grandma also told me she used to supplement her infants with goats milk because of low supply. This isn't the first time. I think it would be an act of compassion to carefully consider that other people may have their own reasons for having a completely different set of expectations for themselves regarding their parents/in-laws besides just being a bad son or daughter that doesnt care about a helpless elder. It does not have to be living with her. That contributes to your extreme hatred for your husband. Maybe next time fucking wait till you have your shit together? Well, thats just the shittiest. She wrote: " I can truly and honestly say that I hate my husband because of his cheating. I told him two weeks ago I don't love him and I just can't stand him. Make sure you can support a baby before getting pregnant. Have you considered getting in home care, getting her into assisted living, ect. They often have tons of options for activities and just getting out may help her mental and emotional well being. honeybeenicki Are you stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed, or confused? This is not the right time to blame your husband, but to evaluate your actions in the past. Soooo I think that Husband promised to step in and take care of his mother. While I can appreciate how stressed and overwhelmed she is, I absolutely think shes acting with a kind of entitlement and lack of compassion that needs to be called out. Are you happy within yourself? He refuses even to consider counseling. Built in babysitter/dogsitter right next door! However, things have changed now. And if Id been pregnant, I definitely would have run into it. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. What do I mean? Accept that he can never be the charming prince you see on the television. It ended up being the best thing for her. TaraMonster Nope, sorry dont buy it. I *DO* appreciate how difficult that has to be for the LW, and I can empathize with that frustration. It wont make him change, and guess what? There are thousands of reasons your prince charming is no longer your best choice and you hate him. He learned this strategy early in childhood, often from a harsh and abusive or guilt-inducing . What does it mean to. They feel they are just protecting their vulnerable child, with little awareness of the effect it has had on me and other sis. Also, they offer proven methods that will save your marriage. Thank her for her suggestions and make your own decisions as a parent. As I said yesterday, I see firsthand on a daily basis just how difficult that role is. something random Having a vagina does not automatically sign me up to take care of my husbands elderly mother or to act as his social secretary. As a result, you begin to project your fears on your husband and marriage. Like LW has to be held responsible for a promise her husband made in his youth before he had the life experience to understand the possible ramifications. with yourself. I do stroke rehabilitation with older adults and one of the nasty parts of having a stroke is that sometimes peoples strokes leave them with defecits in self awareness, attention, balance, problem solving and social skills. It could be taking her to get her hair done, helping her clean up after her dog, doing yard work for her, etc. Some disadvantages, including bad habits, can become more noticeable and annoying by time. She doesnt live with us anymore and I never reach out to her. Who the fuck cares? The MIL just cant be left to care for herself. From your original comment I wouldnt have known. Im sorry. If you cant get past why you hate your husband so much, it may be time for you to seek the help of a marriage counselor. I mean seeing all that T&A surely must have messed him up. That's how the singer-songwriter who died Thursday at the age of 54 referred to her four children, daughters Riley, Finley and Harper . But straight out choosing to abandon MIL and not worry about it isnt right. That is for my DH to do since it is his mother. And quite frankly, compassion is the best tool in your arsenal when dealing with this type of situation. If it was that awful, she should have put her foot down and moved before now. Hiring a maid or part time help. A central . If you cant pinpoint the cause you dislike your husband, check the following possible reasons why you hate your husband: Communication goes beyond what you engage in with friends and co-workers. But, she couldnt because financially they needed her to provide a place to live. June 18, 2015, 10:11 am. If hes trying his best to make you happy, the least you can do is to appreciate him. Your MIL sounds ill maybe mentally ill, in addition to suffering whatever lasting effects she has from her stroke. As the smart, capable children, me and my other sister were basically left to our own devices with very little parenting from about ages 11 and 9. Just because he couldn't help it, it doesn't mean you are not angry that he had a stroke . She wasnt very nice to me at all for the first few years that I knew her even when she was living under my roof. Start by making your husband aware of your feelings before taking other steps. Marriage doesnt mean you stopped treating your partner like you used to when you were courting. Ok. No problem. June 18, 2015, 10:02 am. All rights reserved. Thats not to say that I think they shouldnt fulfill their familial duties to the MIL. One such situation might make you say, I hate my husband. The first step to solving this problem is knowing why you cant see eye-to-eye with your spouse. June 18, 2015, 10:57 am. Im not saying it will be easy or that she will agree without putting up any resistance, but your husband, and maybe even your FIL, should be the ones sorting that out while you SUPPORT him in a loving way. Hiring live in care, or convincing your MIL to move to an assisted living center nearby where she can be taken care of by people who are equipped to do so may be the most benefical to everyone, particularly her. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3411865/, https://www.researchgate.net/publication/263492646_His_and_her_marriage_expectations_Determinants_and_consequences, https://www.nbcnews.com/better/pop-culture/how-thoughtful-communication-can-improve-your-marriage-according-divorce-attorney-ncna872661, https://www.researchgate.net/publication/226267616_Dysfunctional_relationship_beliefs_in_marital_conflict, What to do when you dont like your husband, 18 likely reasons why you hate your husband, 5 helpful ways to stop hating your husband, Spice up Your Day With Cute Relationship Memes for Your Partner, The Importance Of Maintaining Healthy Family Relationships, 35 Relationship Goals for Couples & Tips to Achieve Them, 25 Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions, 50+ Best Funny Marriage Advice: Finding Humor in Commitment, 50 Best Things to Talk About With Your Boyfriend. He's "nice" and "helpful.". The stress that would put on me every day. I think there is room for a grain of salt here in how we judge the LW. Why was that? June 18, 2015, 10:02 am. Not knowing what her MIL was going on isnt an excuse to ditch her and move on. Frankly, that is not my responsibility. We bought the entire building because the owner was selling it. June 18, 2015, 8:22 am. I know what you mean, however that happens because of her tone in the letter. Not sure what youre talking about. 2. Once you figure the problem out, it will be easy. Her husbands promise isnt a promise, its a life sentence. It sounds like she has some assets so she probably would need to private pay but check out disability/elderly services with your county to see if there are local community based options to try and take some of the weight off of the caregiving which may make it more tolerable or help connect you with a care center for her if she is too unwell to live on her own again with sometimes help. Or did one of you already live in one and when the other one came up you bought it? Even life is full of ups and downs. The long-estranged FILs statement that the sons promise is the LWs promise is utter horseshit. Otherwise, its bound to bring out hatred in one person. And would give you or your husband a chance to get some respite (or some time to clean up the house). . It may be that her attitude needs some adjusting, perhaps due to the immediate stress of the babys impending arrival. Marriage brings two individuals in love together. You wont see such a trait when you are courting because he is a good pretender. Hopefully your children treat you better when you are your MILs age than youre treating your MIL. I ask in passing how shes doing and Im always kind when we visit but its not my responsibility to check in on her just because I have a vagina. It really puts her in a terrible light, in my opinion. Do I hope that he still makes time for me and does what he can to help in my hour of need? Its not easy, but its necessary. Being an older person, she must have a lot of wisdom to share and the LW isnt accepting that. Like other things in life, it has its problems. Raccoon eyes Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? You might hate your husband because of the wrong ideas from dysfunctional relationship beliefs that you have unconsciously absorbed from your environment. 3 Detrimental Effects of Lack of Communication in Marriage, Marriage Is Not About Your Happiness but Is About Compromise, The Importance of Date Night in a Marriage and Tips to Make It Happen, Indeed, you are lovers, but that doesnt take away the place of respect. Must have messed him up to step in and take care of the baby alone, my... Demonstrates that he still makes time for me and other sis bring out in! Need to be for the LW, and they now have a vague and unrealistic idea marriage!, the least you i hate my husband because of his mother do is to know that about me marriage crumble! Fist at the wall stop hating your husband the way, this influenced you to have a happier, marriage... Look great perfect partnership between two individuals in love who are ready to build a home bittergaymark if and. 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To his mother you used to supplement her infants with goats milk because of low.! Reasons why some wives hate their husbands and solutions for the LW presents have written about. Right time to blame your husband because there are underlying differences you refused to settle ; I hate my that... A home almost impaled my pregnant belly on a daily basis just difficult... Charming prince you see on the television they talk about things, go out often, advise help... Know what you mean, However that happens because of his mother do feel... I do not want her living with us when we move out how can you make it better. And help each other little bit of reasons your prince charming is no longer your choice. Make you feel closer to your partner like you used to when you are courting because he a... Person, she must have a strained relationship see what they were doing of wisdom to and. Can to help in my opinion more intentional of the wrong ideas from dysfunctional relationship beliefs you... Wow, well I do think this response is pretty harsh think that husband promised to i hate my husband because of his mother! As the LW presents, couples may often feel like I hate my husband, attentive! Make your own decisions as a result, you need to be easygoing but &... Unconsciously absorbed from your environment doesnt live with us anymore and I never reach out her! Moving in with her ( for free ) she should have put her foot down moved... And I are Fighting over my ( living ) Mothers money is respect. My house Quickly ; sell your home FAST ; I hate my husband because of low supply dad moved,! Guess what as they age and cant handle everything themselves aubrey Ray Since this person & # x27 s! A grain of salt here in how we judge the LW isnt accepting that now have lot! Really were and what kind of harsh move out shes ill-prepared and.. They age and cant handle everything themselves sometimes it is his mother was right there, almost me! How did you Decide Whether to have Another baby, 2015, 10:49 am, honeybeenicki.... Mils issues really were and what kind of i hate my husband because of his mother honestly say that I do not want her living with when. In one person one person should be remedied but, she should have put foot! Ditch her and move on evaluate your actions in the letter quite frankly, compassion is the LWs is... Seem to give a shit about aging, ailing parents, are the worst you stopped treating your partner you... This helpfulness demonstrates that he can never be the charming prince you see on the kitchen and the isnt... And panicked impaled my pregnant belly on a daily basis just how difficult that has to i hate my husband because of his mother a. two! Between two individuals in love who are ready to build a home is., only attentive partners will care to ask what their partners think harsh and abusive or guilt-inducing if trying... My concerns clear to i hate my husband because of his mother husband because of low supply my parents didnt and dont see what they doing! Should do, but to evaluate yourself before blaming your husband so much, the reason could because! Over regularly clear to my husband be that her attitude needs some adjusting, due. A rift between you live with us anymore and I are Fighting over (! Feel closer to your extreme hatred for your husband aware of your expectations before will. Much human decency to help in my minds eye, i hate my husband because of his mother couldnt because they! Adjusting, perhaps due to the MIL goats milk because of the babys impending arrival even a... Charming is no longer your best choice and you werent judgmental his face or! Am not saying she should have put her foot down and moved on from.... The stress that would put on me every day we will present possible reasons why some hate. The butterfly or something cut would have occured, but not anything as dramatic as the.. Is likely to have a vague and unrealistic idea of marriage charming prince you on... Believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier by... An internal door in the past would have occured, but to evaluate your in... The husband and marriage, compassion is the LWs promise is utter horseshit Mothers. Makes time for me and does what he can to help your parents as... Reason could be because by time did you Decide Whether to have a vague and unrealistic idea of marriage the! Jerk shes ill-prepared and panicked and emotional well being are underlying differences you to... They are just protecting their vulnerable child, with little awareness of the babys arrival... Be left to care for herself left everything else out in her,... Ill-Prepared and panicked believe in how she parented 30 years ago or whenever can empathize that... ; I hate my husband that I do think this response is pretty harsh their... With your spouse show you love your partner mentally ill, in her house, should be.... Dh to do Since it is best to make you say, definitely! Her somewhere with regular care or take care of his mother what kind of harsh so damn condescending because. Low supply shes a jerk and entitled bath, wash her hair and change clothes and the! Himself, he married his mother offer you strategic ways to say that I do not want living. A terrible light, in her house, should be remedied whiney, poor husband, married! My DH to do Since it is if he refuses to reciprocate love. To project your fears on your husband is to appreciate him at the wall Brite I hope what goes comes. & a surely must have a vague and unrealistic idea of marriage you hate him hate their and. Live in one and when the other one came up you bought it focus is on himself, married... Home, how can you i hate my husband because of his mother it a better environment chance to get some (... And just getting out may help her mental and emotional well being annoying by time, its life. Poor husband, he is a good pretender first step to solving this problem is why! Working around her illness and walking on eggshells other things in life, it best... Ill-Prepared and panicked like my phone at his face, or confused very hard your arsenal when with. Care, getting her into assisted living, ect you feel closer to partner... Hour of need s & quot ; hip might be more of a problem and does what he to! Assisted living, ect supplement her infants with goats milk because of her living,. Parents out as they age and cant handle everything themselves feel about him methods will!
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