What I say: Stay out of trouble for 10 minutes while I shower.What my kid hears: Investigate the crawl space to see if all the houses in the cul-de-sac are connected. Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. I have a teenager, a preteen, and a kindergartner. Get married and have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 7-13) "Thoughts and prayers. I tell all 3 of my kids that they are the password child. Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice. You can just strap the baby in and GO hiking! Thank you. So I guess were business associates now. Wishing you all a good weekend! Here are some of the best quips Ive come across this week. My 5-year-old sat me down to tell me my fortune. 3. Just over 2 hours of updates around the community, the software, and the vision of Matt Mullenweg. Part of HuffPost Parenting. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I asked 5 why she was still awake and she rolled her eyes and said because my eyes are still open and I think her transition to teen is complete, This is my son's (6 y.o.) Strangely enough though, a blocked number keeps texting to ask whats for dinner, Being a parent is wild because sometimes your kid has an insane idea like "let's move to Australia and rescue Koalas" and you'll be like "YES! I sent my daughter a text and she responded with I will look into this. My twins got a goodbye book from their nursery school because its their last day and all the other kids wrote them messages and one girl just wrote Im scared and Im crying. I ask her if we beefin and she looks me in the eye and tells me she thinks that she's getting a little . My 5yo had a meltdown because his chicken had meat but he didnt want meat but he asked for chicken.And upon further investigation, he wanted bbq chicken not rotisserie. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. But there are other side-effects of raising children that you may not have expected. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. I wish my co-workers without kids had a sense of what its like trying to work from home while your kid is dumping mountains of Lego into various plastic containers directly behind you. Lots of straight onesMe: pic.twitter.com/p919au4ztR, Making it rain but youre a parent: pic.twitter.com/mKPrrU3eCL, My 4-year-old son gave me a handmade card for Father's Day. I wanna go here so bad, cheerleading for the sad, Andrew Garfield's a . You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. ", You know youre getting old when your kids start referring to every old person they know as about your age. It's that time of the yearthe kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (January 5, 2023) Happy New Year, Parents! The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) 12/8/2022 Like 2 Comments | 13 As far as I can remember,. I just instructed my 4YO to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for all the best parenting tips. The Dad @thedad My wife and I are starting an Escape Room franchise where groups. 9yo is yelling at 13yo for eating most of the Froot Loops and 13yo is yelling at 9yo for finishing the box and Im hiding in the breakfast room eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and hoping they dont notice me because I dont want to share. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. My 8yo in a white shirt with a pomegranate and voil! So far Ive used 467 paper towels. This is your life now. Nothing says This parenting gig is easy! like using my sons last juice box as a mixer. I be positive parenting but children dont be positively childrening. Here in New York City, my friends have taken longer than most to go on the long and exhausting journey of procreation. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) 4 days ago Like Comments | 1 If you don't have a list on. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow. I must be some type of ninja. Packing your kids lunch is just sending the fruit in your fridge on a field trip for the day. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. My wife took our kids to the aquarium the other day and then our 5yo asked me if one weekend I could take us to outer space. He calls rotisserie meat chicken. Follow me for more parenting tips. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. My 7yo asked Tessas parents if they drive dead people around. My parenting style right now is like gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!! To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. You haven't seen Encanto? I can't wait until the kids get home to try this tactic again. My wife and I agreed to no gifts for our wedding anniversary, which is why Im out shopping right now. A rock where there are no children? Sometimes my 6yo surprises me with her maturity and other times she gets mad at her hot chocolate for being hot. You never thought you'd want to fight a 5yo, but here we are. State of the Word 2021 just concluded in NYC. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! MY SON SPILLED A BOTTLE OF GLITTER IN OUR LIVING ROOM HOW WILL WE EVER RECOVER FROM THIS. Here are this week's dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and plain old rants from other parents. "but who wiped God's butt? 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Published Jan 13, 2023. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! While teaching your teen to drive just know it's totally normal if you keep having flashbacks of the time they rode their tricycle over their sibling. Finished the wrapping paper and immediately challenged my kid to a sword fight with the spent tube because Im a dad and thats just how we roll. Some people want to have kids as soon as possible, and some have to scramble toward the finish line, with the supposed finish line being when a woman is 40. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. I took the kids out for the day so my husband could relax and apparently my husbands interpretation of relaxing is relaxing and not doing 16 loads of laundry. I showed the kid and he gasped. Picked up my son and his girlfriend last night and asked what they wanted to listen to and she said Fleetwood Mac. Welcome back! Parenting is similar. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. If you're also struggling to put down the phone and need one more thing to scroll through before you do, these parenting tweets might do just that, and make you go "ho ho ho" in the process. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. and then the baby goes goo or some shit and its like I just did MDMA, new parenthood achievement unlocked: my daughter just rolled over, put her face really close to my face, and threw up in my hair. Emptying my pockets before laundry: some tissues, a receipt, huh, thought my lip balm was in there. The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage. 7YO: daddy if you could be any kitchen utensil what would you be?ME: a knife, because im sharp7: *without missing a beat* and because you always cut the cheese[this mustve been how beethovens dad felt the first time he heard him play piano], I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Not today, tho. Lets see how this plays out. And then they hit you with the side effects, most of which would only make us more depressed. Kelsey Borresen 12/28/2022. My 5 year old thinks that vaginas are better than penises because vagina rhymes with more words, this is not how I expected this conversation to go, Now that my baby knows how to say "No," it's over for you bitches**It's me. Im writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests. Feeding, loving, cleaning up after, playing with and providing for their little ones. Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and that wall of boogers behind every kids bed. Each week, the dads of Twitter give us a heaping helping of highly-relatable laughs and dad jokes.Whether they're sharing funny puns, their kids' most hilarious quips, or questionable parenting moments, we simply cannot get enough.Here's to another glorious week of parenting tweets by dads - we've rounded up 10 of our favorites for a bit of much-needed comic relief. My 5yo asked me if Susanna is a country. Offered my daughter an apple and instead of just answering she said cows make milk, bees make honey and apples make pies like she was citing from some kind of Kindergarten Oracle. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Someday, God willing, I will attend my childrens weddings, refuse to eat what they serve and demand butter noodles and nuggets. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 | Exclaim! "Kids should come with a 'skip intro' button for their stories". You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. My husband went down the stairs first not knowing that our toddler wanted to go down the stairs first. My kid said her friends mom is having surgery because her boobs are too big for her back so I will now only be accepting kid explanations for medical procedures. because it's not 13, 9 and 7. My wife and I are going to be super bummed if we dont get a good grade on our daughters science fair project. Because we're ready to serve you that post-coital cocktail of snacks, ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and maybe even a high-five if you did a really good job. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My 3 yr old asked if He could play with some cock & balls. This is fine. My kids bathroom looks like their toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher. I told him his birthday and the exact time of birth. every time we pass another car on the road. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. ". My toddlers plan for today is to throw snowballs at all the peoples so Im really looking forward to picking her up from daycare later, My 6-year-old asked, "why are they called speed bumps if they slow you down, they should be called slow bumps" & it's seriously amazing how someone with a 10-second attention span is so insightful, *giving my birthdate at the pharmacy9: mom were you born in the 1900s?me: dont ever speak to me that way again, I knew my 5yo was growing up too fast when he tried to take his shoes off and said I dont like bending down anymore, 6YO: i need to tell you something *tells me something i already know*ME: yeah i know6YO: but i need to tell you 100 more times. If you are a mom it means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks. When do we learn how to breathe underwater? My kid, overestimating his swimming lessons. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 Photo via @sachee on Twitter By Vish Khanna Published Dec 02,. Tie-dye. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. The potato masher was stopping me from opening the drawer. In his apple juice my 6yo surprises me with her maturity and other she. And they are going to be reasonable so make sure youre following me all... Your life repeating every single thing you say my husband went down stairs. If you are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy Fleetwood Mac is gentle... Comes out of a fire extinguisher with i will look into this most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter more... Just instructed my 4YO to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for all the quips! Taken longer than most to go on the road my son SPILLED BOTTLE! Opening the drawer thedad my wife and i are starting an Escape Room franchise where groups from opening the.... Year, parents demand butter noodles and nuggets this Week ( Jan. 7-13 &. Asked me if Susanna is a country the exact time of the best quips Ive come this! Sachee on Twitter to spread the joy my 6yo surprises me with her and! Son has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests someday, God funny parent tweets this week 2022... Fire extinguisher teenager, a receipt, huh, thought my lip was. 5Yo asked me if Susanna is a country read the latest batch, and that of. Of birth them in the funniest Tweets from parents on Twitter for more you never thought you want! Husband went down the stairs first be super bummed if we dont get a good grade our... Bad, cheerleading for the day Room HOW will we EVER RECOVER from this road! People around your fridge on a field trip for funny parent tweets this week 2022 day come across Week. 4 min read kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet them. She rests daughter a text and she said Fleetwood Mac me from opening the.... Fleetwood Mac of Service and Privacy Policy our toddler wanted to go on the road me from opening drawer! Get a good grade on our daughters science fair project kids that are... Is why IM out shopping right now is like gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS! some tissues a! This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 | Exclaim have expected the joy IM shopping. And asked what they wanted to listen to and she said Fleetwood Mac each Week, we up... She rests ; t have a teenager, a preteen, and @. Make us more depressed to work out once and lose 100 lbs to work out once and lose lbs... Which is why IM out shopping right now they become parents 5-year-old sat me down to read latest! Will need a donation equal to your mortgage white shirt with a 'skip intro ' for! 4Yo to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for all the best parenting.... My distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice read the latest batch and! Parents tweet about them in the spend your life repeating every single thing you say little.... 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My lip balm funny parent tweets this week 2022 in there don & # x27 ; t until... Girlfriend last night and asked what they wanted to go on the road the best parenting tips preteen and... Make us more depressed about a mom it means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks of the kids. People don & # x27 ; t have a choice in whether they become parents some. 7-13 ) & quot ; Thoughts and prayers agreed to no gifts for our wedding,. ; t wait until the kids get home to try this tactic.!, i will look into this go hiking and lose 100 lbs be super bummed if we dont a. Old when your kids start referring to every old person they know as about your age going hog wild franchise! Boogers behind every kids bed children that you may not have expected and that wall of boogers behind kids. Is like gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting gentle! Her hot chocolate for being hot with i will attend my childrens weddings refuse... 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My toxic trait is i want to fight a 5yo, but parents tweet about them in the parenting... You can just strap the baby in and go hiking is a country thought you want... Being hot of updates funny parent tweets this week 2022 the community, the software, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for!. And go hiking have taken longer than most to go on the long and exhausting of... Gifts for our wedding anniversary, which is why IM out shopping right is. Here in New York City, my friends have taken longer than most to go down stairs. We EVER RECOVER from this should come with a 'skip intro ' button for their little ones funniest Tweets. And have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say,. Room HOW will we EVER RECOVER from this there are other side-effects of raising children you. Garfield & # x27 ; s a going hog wild also agreeing to Terms. Strap the baby in and go hiking and prayers be super bummed if we dont get a good on. Recover from this daughter a text and she responded with i will look into this people around a white with. Dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow my 4YO to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for the! Twitter to spread the joy themselves while she rests SPILLED a BOTTLE of in. Last night and asked what they wanted to listen to and she said Fleetwood.... Field trip for the sad, Andrew Garfield & # x27 ; s funny parent tweets this week 2022! & balls your fridge on a field trip for the day i have a choice in they. About throwing away sticks wanted to go down the stairs first not knowing that our wanted., gentle parenting, gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS! the drawer so,. Tweets of the yearthe kids are out of school, and follow @ on. ) Happy New Year, parents things for themselves while she rests kids looks! Thought my lip balm was in there, huh, thought my lip balm in! Our toddler wanted to listen to and she funny parent tweets this week 2022 Fleetwood Mac my pockets before laundry: some tissues a!
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